Make tea and foreshadow shit.
Last weekend and this weekend are different
First - I have my bicycle now. We reunited on Thursday, had hard times fixing it but then, hallelujah, on Friday I took it for the first, in how long, 6 years?, ride.
Second - I got my priorities sorted
You know, when it all started, I felt so inspired and changed by the new in my life I forgot to do the reality check
This is the thing you do only when you get disappointed
And I got disappointed
And then I had to get away, I knew I have to put some physical distance between where I stand and where I can sort out things in my head out
So this glorious idea came and that evening I booked a ride and couple hours later was on my way to the border, watching all the stars from my window.
And then there was this shining and bring morning, just the way I like, I was sitting on a bench far away from the crowd (as if there could be a crowd at 8 in the morning), talking to myself, talking to D. (usually it helps), trying to figure out this puzzle I created myself
after all,

I did it, I figured the thing out
(at least I hope so)
I spent a day, staring into the water in Helsinki, thinking about how it works and how to deal with it and realized that the root of all problems lies into the fact that I refuse to recognize the reality and try to bend it into my own way of its perception
this is not the way things are: there are facts and there are ways to act on the basis of these facts
if you act basing on your own imagining reality it won't transform the facts in the way you want
the law of identity stays
and you can't get an A be non-A in the real world
and, if you are honest to yourself, you also can't have it in your head

so, I changed again, and it makes things easier
this spring is full of discoveries and I'm eager to know where this road will lead me.

@темы: jiko no kaihou!, children of June, blue whale of my life